There is NOTHING wrong with seeking counseling. When we go the gym, we are praised for taking the initiative to work on our fitness. When we are physically injured, we are advised to take the necessary steps to heal– rest, ice, heat, stretch, etc. Yet, when we are struggling with an emotional or mental health issue, we might feel funny about telling people (ironically, a battle with a mental health concern can cause some serious physical manifestations). It’s almost inexplicable how little we have valued our mental health as a society throughout…well…ever! It’s not until recently that people in the community, including celebrities and athletes, are having serious and rich discussions about mental health.
One of the first questions I ask a prospective or new client is, “Have you ever been in counseling before?” and regardless of a “yes” or “no” response, I follow it up with, “How long have you been thinking about getting in to talk to somebody?” To my surprise, I find that the answer is often much longer than I would expect– a couple of months, a year, or several years. Imagine being in pain for SEVERAL years, thinking that it might be helpful to talk to a trained clinician and suffering through all the hardships of that pain. Well, here’s the good news: talking to a counselor WILL HELP–just like putting a cast around a broken bone will mend everything back together. Generally, people who seek my services and counseling services overall express how relieving it is to unpack their story, feelings and emotions. So, perhaps your question may be, “How do I know if my concern is serious enough to find a therapist?” Below is a list that might be helpful in deciding when it might be time to seek counseling:
- Having Feelings of Sadness, Anxiety or Simply Not Feeling Yourself – As humans, we are made up of several parts. A part of us is sad, another part might be angry and certainly we have a part that is happy. And while sadness, anxiety, anger, etc. are NORMAL feelings that all of us sometimes have, if you start to notice that a particular part of you becomes so consuming that it makes it more difficult to get through your day, it’s time to sort it out. I often hear clients say in the first session when I ask them what brings them in, “I’m feeling so angry because…” or “I’m feeling really down and I’m not even sure why.” It’s okay, we can process it and make a plan.
- You Lost a Loved One – As my mentor, Tonya Ratliff, always says, “In grief, when we lose someone we love, life changes forever without our permission.” We become a victim of something by no fault of our own. In order to heal from the loss of a loved one, you must endure the pain in those early days. A counselor will of course attend to that excruciating pain by listening and normalizing your feelings. Moreover, a therapist can serve as a consistent force in your journey through grief (often times those who grieve notice that their support system dwindles away) and provide some helpful tools to cope and eventually heal to the point where you see a bright future.
- You’ve Experienced a Traumatic Event – By definition, a traumatic event is an incident that causes physical, emotional, spiritual or psychological harm. Often times, when we experience such an event, we will find a way to bottle it up and “move on.” Well, eventually those feelings will fester and surface, often causing intense lash outs of anger, sadness, etc. A counselor can help you process your trauma.
- You’re Noticing that You might Have a Problem with Alcohol or Drugs – While this topic can automatically lead straight to a conversation regarding alcoholism or substance dependency–which is very serious–you may notice that you are using substances to mask other feelings you’re having (i.e. sadness, anger, boredom, etc.). It’s important to have a discussion with a trained professional if you are worried about your substance use.
- You’re Having Panic Attacks – Panic attacks are often described as a feeling of dying. A racing heart or tight chest, sweating, shortness of breath, racing thoughts, or a feeling that you need to escape are just some of the symptoms of panic attacks. You might notice that many of those symptoms mimic those of a heart attack. The good news is that panic attacks are very treatable through the use of Cognitive Behavioral techniques and can often be resolved within a handful of counseling sessions.
- You’re Having a Relationship Conflict – Whether it be a conflict with a friend, spouse, family member or co-worker, relationship conflict can be tormenting. If you notice that a relationship in your life is causing you so much distress that you begin to alter your behavior or avoid certain parts of your day, talking to a therapist could be a monumental step into solving the problem.
- Life Feels Overwhelming – Life is difficult enough, and having one of the above struggles in addition to working 40 hours a week, struggling through school, raising kids, etc. can make things even more challenging. If you’re having thoughts of “I can’t do this anymore; this is too overwhelming; or I give up,” a therapist can help you by listening, reflecting with you and creating plan to help alleviate the overwhelming thoughts and feelings.
While this list could continue you on, hopefully it serves as a serviceable starting point to foster some self-reflection. Many people (clients, friends, co-workers, family members) have described their experience in counseling as “life changing.” Counseling can be challenging as it forces you to step out of your comfort zone and talk about some of your most deeply-rooted concerns, but it also provides an opportunity for growth, self-discovery and committing yourself to the life you want.